I remember the look on her face when she popped up from crouching down and said “Daddy I did it!” with proud excitement. It was the morning of her 5th birthday and she had just successfully tied her shoes for the first time. I don’t know who was more proud of her, me or her younger sister Sarah. “She did it! She did it!” Sarah buzzed about the kitchen as if she was looking for anyone else she could tell. She would shout it from a mountain top if she could -but she would shout most things from a mountain top too- that is the type of joy Sarah approaches life with.

As a dad I was thrilled to see Clare accomplish something she set her mind to. Mostly because she had figured it out on her own. I had not taught her the simple act but through her own volition and determination she had solved her own problem. That is the real moment of pride for a dad.

Fast forward a year as I am standing outside of her sisters classroom after dropping her off. Clare has grown taller, she has a loose tooth and she is starting to read and write. It is a busy morning. I need to drop them off early so I can catch a flight for work and they attend separate schools, so it is a long and cumbersome process on the days they are with me.

I look down and her shoes are untied. I remember how she fell down yesterday because they were flopping around untamed and in order to avoid another trip I ask her to tie her shoes. “I don’t want to” she says with mild defiance. The hairs on my neck stand up, not so much because of the attitude but because we don’t have time for an argument. “Fine” I think but verbalize a grunt of annoyance. I bend down to tie her shoes as she curiously looks at the preschool artwork on the wall and proceeds to tell me everything about each one. “Daddy, that one is Quinns, she is going to have a baby brother or sister soon but doesn’t know what it is yet. That one is Sarah’s. She made it last week. Look at Annalices, she likes butterflies.”

As I am bending down tying her shoes, anxiously checking the time on my phone I am reminded of the ideas I’ve been trying to incorporate about mindfulness in my daily meditation. Here I am, worried about how long it is going to take to tie her shoes and how inconvenient it is to stop when I need to get to the airport. But what am I so worried about? It takes 30 seconds. That moment of pause gives me the clarity I need. What I realize is that I have an opportunity to experience a beautiful few seconds here. I need to enjoy it. This independent little girl rarely wants me to do anything for her. Today could be the last time she lets me tie her shoes. One day will be the last day she sits on my lap to read a book, asks me to sing her songs as she falls asleep or wants help getting the coloring books down from the closet shelf.

I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for the past few months mostly to help calm the chaos of my mind and the voice that constantly dictates my thoughts, emotions and daily life. Taking a moment to breathe deep and ignore the thoughts of what I need to do, allows me to savor the moment of tying my sweet little girls shoes. In return, a tiny bit of joy to seeps into my soul.

”Daddy I Did it!”

Now I begin to wonder what is going on in her head as she takes in the world. The awe of the most simple things brings her happiness. As we walk to the car she tells me “Daddy! I saw a bird trying to eat something!” That’s it. She just noticed a bird trying to eat something and she wanted to tell me about it. How often do I take these expressions and moments for granted? A typical response from me would be, “that’s nice” as I go back to thinking about what I need to get at the store or the email I forgot to send.

As we head to her school, I am mindful of the limited amount of time with her before I drop her off. I wont see her again for 5 days and a small pit begins to form in my stomach. I do not just want to be attentive to her but need to be in order to squeeze out as much love from our morning.

I forget it is these moments that are so important. “Daddy, I saw a bird trying to eat something” isn’t really about a bird it’s way of saying “Daddy, I love you and I want to tell you about the things I find exciting”. Over time if all I do is respond with a canned and distracted answer like “that’s cool”. One day she will stop wanting to tell me about the exciting things in her life. That is a day I never want to come. As we arrive to her school I practice my breathing and focus on the experience of just being in her presence. The traffic and airport lines are now irrelevant and I want to soak up the beauty of her being and bask in the wonder she emits with her questions, ideas and way of looking at the world.

When we get to her school, I give her a hug and tell her the mantra that I tell her every morning. “You are strong, you are confident and you are kind”. Most days she just runs off to her friends with a “ya, ya, ya dad I know” kind of attitude. Today however, she looks at me in the eyes and gives me a kiss. The look in her eyes tells me she heard me and the kiss means “Thank you for listening to me today”.

I walk back out to the car with tears in my eyes and an aching in my heart for how much I already miss them both. As I drive off I go back to focusing on the moment and gain a sense of calm. Taking that single moment earlier this morning to change my attitude and perspective about what really matters, ended up creating a stronger bond between her and I.

Those four words are all I care about now and when I take the time to really listen to her, I will get to hear “Daddy I did it” more and more which I now realize really means... “daddy I love you”.