My friend Mai said it best the other day. Perfect is boring. We were talking about how crazy the world is right now and how to manage our way through it. All the while striving to be or mimic the images we are bombarded with each day online. It's a never ending story. 

Take for instance these two quotes: 

• “Perfection is not attainable but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence” - Vince Lombardi 

• “Perfection is attained by slow degrees, it requires the hand of time.” - Voltaire 

Two thought leaders telling you two opposing ideas. It's not about one being right or wrong but that perfection looks and means different things to different people.

I believe there is a difference between searching for perfection in yourself and seeking to be perfect. When we are seeking to be perfect, perfect then really is boring. It's what everyone wants, sees, imagines or expects and yet it doesn't even exist. It is very unimaginative. Whether it be looks, money, family, career or skill, even the ones at the top are lonely and trying to find the same thing we are all looking for. But for some reason, we can’t escape this desire to be more, have more and do more. Note Voltaire wasn’t saying he was perfect only that it takes time. 

We all do it. We see the perfect abs. The perfect lifestyle, perfect job, perfect family and we want it. We see happiness in the feeds and then try to replicate rather than create our own. Or maybe we try to create our own but it's with the filter of how others will perceive us. This isn’t dismissing the importance of striving to be better but being aware of what we are striving towards. 

It isn’t just the literal filters we use but the mental ones. We filter what others are going to think as our first instinct. We may not always give into a decision making based on the opinion of social milieu but it does cross our minds and then impacts our happiness. Or as Brene Brown writes about in her research on the intersection of shame and perfectionism, “When perfectionism is driving us shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver”.

I remember a woman I went out with once. She had the perfect eyes, smile, body and style. But when I talked to her I got bored. I tried so hard to focus but I had built up this idea of perfection. Fear told me that if I let it go I’d lose something good and shame that I wasn’t good enough. She checked all of the Instagram boxes but in reality there wasn’t a connection and I realized I had focused on all of the wrong things. The things that I thought were perfect. 

I want real perfection in life. But real perfection only exists within ourselves. Those moments where life stands still are the ones we should be striving for. The visceral reaction to our existence. The memories that stick the most are the ones you can feel. Both good and bad. 

The birth of daughter or son. The high from laughter with your best friends. A setting sun from the mountain top. The beating heart and adrenaline after sex. The words “I love you” with eye contact and a hug from a child. These are just a handful of the moments that perfection exists in our daily lives and we look past them or take them for granted. Instead we reach for a perfect that isn’t real.

So with quarantine providing us ample time to see the world through our TVs and phones. Maybe we are better off deciding our own definition of perfection for a while. At least that's what I’m going to do so I can get back to living life less vicariously through others. Hopefully along the way, I am able to achieve excellence.