Recently, a good family friend recommended I read, “Writing Down Your Soul” by Janet Connor…a book that was suggested after a conversation about life. The moment that Ray said the name of the book, I could feel something inside of me move. It was like the universe was reaching out to me, and while my spiritual beliefs have shifted over time…I still very much believe in a divine presence. With this also comes a strong belief in human connection or rather, human connectedness, as I believe we are all joined through something deeper than any traditional religion has really been able to articulate or present. 

The piece that you are reading, I started writing as a way to honor my grandfather (“Papa”) who passed away. While Ray and I were discussing life at my Papa's memorial reception four months later in Tucson, the themes of letter writing and living a meaningful life were exemplified through him. 

Over the memorial service weekend as we said goodbye to our family’s patriarch, we saw how the power and beauty of letter writing makes its way through space and time providing insight, comfort and a reminder of what life is about. 

Papa was a passionate and consistent letter writer. He wrote to everyone. He wrote to my Nana or his “bride” as he always called her, his siblings, distant relatives, friends, colleagues, his daughters and grand kids. Many of these letters were shared with family and friends throughout the course of the weekend. Laughter, tears and reflection all ensued.

The letter that most moved me and the remaining family members was written by my Great Grandfather Clare Marshall. He wrote to my Papa 76 years ago today on September 24, 1943. Had I read this letter six years ago I doubt it would have made the same impact on me. But now as a father, the words resonated in a profound way. reminding me of how special children are and the beauty they bring to life. We get so caught up in the stress and pleasures of our day to day (or at least I do) that we miss so many important details about who they are as people.

My great grandfather understood that and so his letter was full of encouragement, love and reflection. The title... “To a Boy Grown Man”. The words are a Father's pride in his son reaching manhood. My Papa was 16 at the time and unbeknownst to anyone his father Clare would pass away from health complications on Christmas Eve three months later. 

The letter opens with this… 

“Now that you are on our way to your 17th Birthday. I can’t put into one letter all the things that have been left out between us during those years. Probably every father’s mind is cluttered with this, things put off too long. Always too busy to find time, too late. Perhaps a lifetime isn't long enough.” 

The last line captivated me the most. “A lifetime isn't long enough”. I struggle deeply with how little time I spend with my girls. I see them every other week. That is half of their lifetime and that is only from now until they fly the coop. Once they are off to do great things, who knows how often I will see them? Tennessee Williams once said, “Time is the longest distance between two spaces”. For me, the time between weeks can sometimes feel like an eternity. 

To help with the difficulty of the space between I write. Often times in the quiet mornings of my hotel room on the road but also on snowy afternoons and starlit nights. Perhaps that is why Ray’s recommendation, by Janet Conner resonated with me so much. I write letters in my journal regularly. Letters to my girls both individually and together, letters to friends, myself and letters to God or the Universe or whatever it is that connects us. 

These aren’t just conversations I have with me. What I love about letter writing is that they are conversations you can have with someone else even when they aren’t there. It is a way to stay connected with the people we love even when we can’t be with them. 

In one section Janet Conner writes:

“Somewhere in grade school, we learned we are made of atoms, and inside those atoms are protons and neutrons, and orbiting around those are infinitesimal electrons. And what is between those minute particles? Space- lots and lots of empty space. It seems a bit bizarre, but we are not the dense flesh we see in the mirror; we are rapidly vibrating globs of space.” 

We are space and the time away from our dear ones is also space. Writing helps make that space meaningful… at least it does for me. Sharing a piece of who you are and what you feel ensures that space is not empty and is filled with something positive. Whether it be the physical space of me or the inanimate space of time. This is why I try to focus on virtues and goodness in my daily life. We are reflections of our thoughts so if I can fill my thoughts with kindness, compassion, love, strength and gentleness. My hope is that my words and writing will then follow. In turn I hope to fill the empty spaces with those qualities.  

Clare ended his letter to Papa with this. 

“But these times together weren’t half often enough. They should have been multiplied many times. In between there were too many empty spaces…. All in all, I am pretty proud about having you. If I am any judge of men, you’d make one in whom I’d place confidence under any circumstances or in any situation.” 

My great grandfather's letter to my Papa however, wasn’t only about regret, he recognized that the space between moments with people we love the most causes us to reflect on what is important. Clare felt that he needed to tell his son how much he loved him and that he was proud of him. So, he decided to write down a piece of his soul and share it with him.

The literal act of putting pen to paper is also symbolic of giving yourself to the world, You are etching whatever is inside of you for others to be part of. A letter is an intimate and loving gesture of that practice. My great grandfather taught that lesson almost a century ago, and I am only learning it now. Luckily I have the opportunity to share it with my girls today and then see what happens in the next 76 years.